Kylie Minogue is my hero. And fuck it, so’s Robert Downey Jr.

Posted in Film, Music by Rubang B, the Mad Doctor of Love on April 12, 2008

Kylie Minogue: the world’s most prolific and pandemic diva.

Once upon a time in a “creative writing” class at PCC in 2005, I felt compelled to make a very important announcement to the whole class. Kylie Minogue had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was really worried about her and thought everybody should know. Nobody in the class knew who I was talking about, and they laughed at me and asked who she was. I was so mad I didn’t even tell them. Fuck that class. I was only 3 or 4 years older than those fucking idiots and they were already oblivious to the intergalactic magic of the Minogue. I hope some of those chumps find this blog.

Kylie Minogue is the world’s greatest diva and has been ever since Madonna and Whitney Houston went nuts a while back and I’m madly in love with her and everybody else should be too. (more…)

Ain’t No Part Like a 2012 Part ‘Cause A 2012 Party Don’t STOP

Posted in Art, Astrology, Faith, Film by vomitcops on April 11, 2008

As I sit here (in blackface) with no pants on, greasy unkempt hair reaching for the heavens like the branches of some odious sweaty tree, I am thinking about the entertainment industry in all of its forms. As an employee of the dying record producing industry, this affects me directly, but I don’t really care because I am young and I do not own anything of value (i.e. a business). Perhops this is sacrilegious to dispute the things written below me in a blog I am supposed to be a “part of,” but if all tangible media is going the way of self-produced-consumer-generated-and-controlled-garbage and Mayan hellfire is on the horizon, I don’t really have anything to be afraid of. (more…)

Speaking of Robert Downey Jr….

Posted in Art, Film, Politics by LadyHam on April 10, 2008

Tropic Thunder

Look at these guys. So thats Ben Stiller obviously, and then there’s those other two. Does the black guy look familiar? He should. It’s good ol’ Robert Downey Jr! Your favorite snuggly Iron Man crackhead.

Generally speaking, blackface offends me. And the prospect of Robert Downey Jr. in blackface puts my panties in a jumble, to say the least. Blackface, used in comedies back in the 1920’s, is once again being committed to film for its comedic purposes. But maybe it’s not technically blackface. Just a white guy playing a black guy by coloring his skin black. Will Stiller’s use of blackface in his new film Tropic Thunder live up to the satirical genius of Spike Lee’s Bamboozled?  I haven’t seen the movie yet so I don’t know much about the plot but the trailer seems to tell us that Robert Downey’s character is a white actor, so intense about his acting career, that he goes through an operation to MAKE himself black. (more…)

IRON MAN and The Disappointment of Aging, or How Hollywood Has The Marketing Mind of a 12 Year Old

Posted in Film, Music, self help by oldmandub on April 8, 2008

Next month Marvel Comics is releasing their newest installment in the misfortunate series of events that is their movie franchise. The creation of an IRON MAN movie, staring your favorite snuggly crack head Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark, playboy billionaire and man behind the Iron Mask, has been something of a childhood fantasy for me. Back in the junior high days when no Marvel movies were being made (except for Dolph Lundgren’s PUNISHER and Wesley Snipes’ first BLADE movie) my pals and I would spend our time skating, smoking, and talking about useless shit like how rad it would be to see Spider-Man, Wolverine, or the Human Torch on the big screen. However, there was something way more special about Iron Man: he was also a muther fucking Black Sabbath song.

This idea had never left me through out the rest of my life (albeit, something I never dwelt on). Black Sabbath’s quintessential song “Iron Man” somehow involved with a movie about Iron Man the hero would be as awesome as discovering my first pube. So imagine my shock when this fantasy actually came to pass:

I don’t know if it’s the clearly propagandistic nature of the sequence, or just that I was super lame when I was 12, or maybe hearing Robert Downey talk leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but when I first saw this, and wasn’t considering for a even moment that Sabbath might actually have a role in this, I could not stop laughing in dismay. But, why? Why was I NOT super pumped up? WHY was this so lame to me? For christ’s sake, it was a boyhood fantasy come true! When does that ever happen? Instead, I was like a mad scientist who had just seen his monster come to life, overwhelmed with his own power to create the unthinkable, or, to quote Jeff Goldblum, “so caught up with whether or not I could that I never stopped to think if I should.” Nevertheless, where my 12 year old self would have climaxed on his chair my 24 year old self, after having finished laughing and realized what he had done, took another swig from his whiskey bottle and shook his head at his defeat with a half–life long war of fantasy versus reality. That is, not everything is as cool as it was when I was a kid.

On a side note, here’s a fun game I came up with: Think of other songs that would be even funnier than “Iron Man” for Iron Man to kick down doors to. My favorites are the chorus to Live’s “Lighting Crashes” and the hook in Boyz II Men’s “Motown Philly.” Seriously, this game will give you at least a half hour of entertainment.