Wanna get laid? Join an Iraqi cult!

Posted in Dating, Faith, Gossip, self help by oldmandub on October 15, 2008

According to the L.A. Times today an Iraqi cult known as Heaven’s Army is trying to wreak chaos all over Iraq. The goal is to cause a rapture-esque event where the saint Imam Mahdi, a descendant of Muhammad, will come down to earth and throw a party. But they need as many suicide bombers as possible and unlike oil they are not a renewable resource. So they need lots of dudes and lots of bitches, mostly bitches to hump all the dudes and keep them stoked on blowing shit up. Abu Jassem said he could join and would get cash-money, but he had to let the other dudes sleep with his wife, daughter and sister. A foursome sprinkled with the zest of incest, no less. Hell yeah. And a woman named Iman was approached by a friend who said, “Listen girl, you want Imam Mahdi to come back? Then you should hump my husband.” Swingers! If your sex life is not up to code then join Heaven’s Army. Sounds heavenly humptastic to me!

Trying W. For Murder

Posted in Politics by oldmandub on July 25, 2008

Here’s a video of an informal indictment against George W. Bush. To me, impeachment is too little, too late, but I think we can still throw him in jail after. And I doubt Obama would pardon him.

Adam Curtis Blows Minds

Posted in Film, Politics by TASTE & POWER on July 14, 2008

Just for the hell of it, here’s the Power of Nightmares, a documentary I’ve been obsessing over lately. 3 parts, one hour each.

Proof God exists? Not quite, but we’re close.

Posted in Faith, Food & Wine, Politics, Religion by oldmandub on March 11, 2008


Langer’s Deli at the corner of Alvarado and 7th in MacArthur Park perfected pastrami. Hands down, the best in Los Angeles. However, Gourmet Magazine ranked it at a mere #2. My colleague and I discussed its rating over lunch and we can’t even make up something that is totally absurd that would make it better. If it was served by a naked Jessica Alba with an Iggy Popp waiter it would still carry the same prowess of Earth’s Mightiest Sandwich. It’s like the realization of the Rosetta Stone, invention of the tin can, and discovery of Santo Domingue all-in-one. It is the finest achievement of Western Civilization. Christmas and the fork bow to the Pastrami at Langer’s. And then there is the perfectly frosted mugs that make a Bud Light to a Langer’s Pastrami sandwich what the Roosevelt Corollary To The Monroe Doctrine is to the Monroe Doctrine. But seriously, the rye bread tastes like it is made from the Emperor’s private grain stash, the Cole Slaw oozes with a Russian Dressing that Rasputin used to revive himself time-and-time again, the Swiss Cheese tastes like the Alps look, and the Pastrami is prepared like a Blitzkrieg. Except it loves Jews. And I love it.

I’m going to seek out this #1 deli in L.A. and I guess lose weight eating it because that’s the only thing that could make it better. And then I’ll ride a unicorn over to God’s House and hurl Iraqi WMDs down at Langer’s in sole allegiance to #1.