TASTE & POWER

Wanna get laid? Join an Iraqi cult!

Posted in Dating, Faith, Gossip, self help by oldmandub on October 15, 2008

According to the L.A. Times today an Iraqi cult known as Heaven’s Army is trying to wreak chaos all over Iraq. The goal is to cause a rapture-esque event where the saint Imam Mahdi, a descendant of Muhammad, will come down to earth and throw a party. But they need as many suicide bombers as possible and unlike oil they are not a renewable resource. So they need lots of dudes and lots of bitches, mostly bitches to hump all the dudes and keep them stoked on blowing shit up. Abu Jassem said he could join and would get cash-money, but he had to let the other dudes sleep with his wife, daughter and sister. A foursome sprinkled with the zest of incest, no less. Hell yeah. And a woman named Iman was approached by a friend who said, “Listen girl, you want Imam Mahdi to come back? Then you should hump my husband.” Swingers! If your sex life is not up to code then join Heaven’s Army. Sounds heavenly humptastic to me!

Favre Pussies Out & We’ve ALL Got Problems

Posted in Politics, Sports by thedumpsterbaby on March 5, 2008

Brett Favre, one of football’s “all-time best QBs” announced his retirement yesterday. Which in my opinion is for pussies. I mean, I don’t have a job, so I’m not necessarily one to lecture about work ethics, but dude’s still got a few good seasons left in him for sure. Plus, retirement scares the shit out of me. I mean, whats left? A few years of banality and boredom while your body whithers away to nothingness and then you die. GREAT. Sign me up. Maybe we the NFL should set up a seniors league. That would actually be hilarious. Can you imagine the number of bones broken during one game of senior football? And who doesn’t LOVE watching old people suffer?

one of the

In other news, I read part of an article by Heidi Przybyla today about how “Obama has an ‘Archie Bunker’ problem.” Well, guess what, I got beef with that guy too. He was a jerk. And as far as Obama goes, at least I know how to pronounce his name without having to consult any European pronunciation guide. Przybyla. I have no idea how one would pronounce that. Perhaps the author in question should spend a little more time thinking about THAT: how her name effects other people, and a little LESS time worrying about Obama’s problems.