According to the L.A. Times today an Iraqi cult known as Heaven’s Army is trying to wreak chaos all over Iraq. The goal is to cause a rapture-esque event where the saint Imam Mahdi, a descendant of Muhammad, will come down to earth and throw a party. But they need as many suicide bombers as possible and unlike oil they are not a renewable resource. So they need lots of dudes and lots of bitches, mostly bitches to hump all the dudes and keep them stoked on blowing shit up. Abu Jassem said he could join and would get cash-money, but he had to let the other dudes sleep with his wife, daughter and sister. A foursome sprinkled with the zest of incest, no less. Hell yeah. And a woman named Iman was approached by a friend who said, “Listen girl, you want Imam Mahdi to come back? Then you should hump my husband.” Swingers! If your sex life is not up to code then join Heaven’s Army. Sounds heavenly humptastic to me!