Ain’t No Part Like a 2012 Part ‘Cause A 2012 Party Don’t STOP

Posted in Art, Astrology, Faith, Film by vomitcops on April 11, 2008

As I sit here (in blackface) with no pants on, greasy unkempt hair reaching for the heavens like the branches of some odious sweaty tree, I am thinking about the entertainment industry in all of its forms. As an employee of the dying record producing industry, this affects me directly, but I don’t really care because I am young and I do not own anything of value (i.e. a business). Perhops this is sacrilegious to dispute the things written below me in a blog I am supposed to be a “part of,” but if all tangible media is going the way of self-produced-consumer-generated-and-controlled-garbage and Mayan hellfire is on the horizon, I don’t really have anything to be afraid of.

  1. Iron Man looks awesome. The Hulk sucked, Spiderman sucked, Daredevil sucked, Elektra sucked, X-Men 1 & 3 sucked (2 was great) and unlike the apparently soulless “grown-up” Parker, I was thrilled when I heard B-Sab ring out as they acknowledged Tony Starks original Iron Man suit that looked like an old stove. He was fucking shit up guys. ALSO, the choice to cast a real life rich alcoholic fuck-up as a classic comic book rich alcoholic fuck up shows that perhaps the inmates have finally overtaken the asylum and Hollywood is finally letting some nerds get involved with comic book movies. They didn’t mess up the costume, they got great actors, and seemingly, they didn’t mangle his origin or basic sort of narrative geshtalt too bad. If only Ghostface was involved somehow…
  2. You pretentious fucking artfags get your knickers all up in some bizzy-bunch when that alcoholic I was just talking about plays a character recognized and ridiculed as stupid within his own fictional context for having blackface surgically applied. What if some dogshit Brooklyn performance artist you liked made some haha funny blackface piece or that hack Kehinde Wiley (that’s his name right?) teamed up with a white artist and they did some kind of blackface bullshit. It would be COMMENTARY, right? Wrong. It would be just another haha funny joke because artists aren’t actually smart enough to execute any sort of political or social commentary correctly without it just being bad art or a cheap punch line (for example, Hans Haacke, Italian Futurists, Kara Walker, etc. etc.). I’m not racist, I used to date a black girl. LOL. Anyway, that movie looks kind of funny to me, even if I hate Ben Stiller with a fiery passion usually only reserved for busdrivers and rapists (one and the same, perhops?)
  3. Movies don’t matter. You think movies are going to make it to theaters in 15 years? You are wrong. File sharers and media pirates have shat on everything holy about the sitting-in-the-theater experience. It used to just be an old Chinese guy with a shitty video camera, but now it’s savvy teenagers who could give a fuck about anything and love to grind and ollie on their skateboards or whatever and probably smoke weed (smoke me out teenagers of the world, please). You think that every bullshit comedy Hollywood churns out is going to be culturally relevant or even remembered in 10 years or even 5? Like I said, tangible entertainment media will soon be a thing of the past, so fucking relax. When you are sitting in your hoverhouse, just don’t push that futurebutton that plays the offensive movie, you prude. Political Correctness is another ham handed apology for hundreds of years of ignorance and your white guilt doesn’t matter, if you’re white, you’re going to be a dick until the end of time, no matter how many progressive organizations you join/found/write about in your bullshit blogs.
  4. I was reading the “about” page and I would like to see more writing about Mayan history and witchcraft and wizards and shit.

Up the punks.

5 Responses

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  1. Rubang B, the Mad Doctor of Love said, on April 11, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    Hell yes. I love this post.

    1. Exactly. The classic suit is amazing and REAL and the actor is basically bred for this role as an alcoholic asshole. I disagree with your X-Men 3 comment though. I fucking loved all 3 X-Men movies but yeah, the rest of those sucked, especially Spiderman. And uh… that “grown-up” wasn’t Parker.

    2. I agree with everything you said here. But if you hate Ben Stiller that much, I recommend you watch the pilot for Heat Vision and Jack on YubeTube. It would’ve been genius if it got picked up. The pilot is amazing. It won’t make you love him, but it’ll definitely soothe your soul-consuming hatred just a little bit.

    3. I disagree here. I think theaters will stick around for longer than that, but they’ll be completely different. Not everybody can afford big screen HDTVs with 5.1 surround sound, so theaters are still there as basically bigscreen rentals. Digital distribution will definitely become the majority of the market, but I don’t think all the theaters will collapse.

    4. I agree.

    (Bonus point) 5. Do you have a spell-czecher?

  2. ghettogem said, on April 12, 2008 at 2:19 pm


    quit hating on Parker.

    He’s not oldmandub, and I don’t think he’s written any blogs here at all actually.

    And quit hating on our artfags.

    You wish you had artfags like these.

    And quit hating in general.

    Because if you really want to see more writing on 2012 and wizard shit, then you should write blogs about THAT instead of your whiny-complaining-hater-blog about someone else’s topic.

    Now what?

    Gimme wizards!

  3. oldmandub said, on April 14, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    Yes, though my last name is almost identical to Parker’s first, and we both loathe and don’t work, AND we both do the beard thing, we are in fact not the same person.

    And i stand by my conviction that it was lame and cheesy using “Iron Man” in the trailer. But I kind of feel like if it was not in the trailer and perhaps in the movie itself it might be cooler. Nah, fuck that. Still gay. Sure, the suit looks fine but so did Spider-Man’s, which also had a story line that kept closer to the original than Iron Man, neither of which saved that franchise.

    I do agree that X2 was the only good X-Men movie, but I think it’s just because the opening scene was so amazing it cast an unmovable smile on my face for the proceeding 2 hours.

    X3 was a piece of shit. You can’t kill Professor X in the Kitchen. That shit has to happen on the moon. And that one guy just makes spikes come out 5 inches from his body and we’re supposed to shit? There’s more but I have to empty the dishwasher.

  4. mayor said, on April 23, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    Jesus Christ. Just give it up.

  5. mayor said, on April 23, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    Wow oldmandub your post really was a success! You’ve really started something. Cheers!

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